LIFE AND DEATH!!

EMPTINESS....

It all started with the sad demise of my very close friend's mother this month..I just could not take in the fact that a walking talking full of life person was no more a part of this life process..I could not console my friend..could not even hug her initially..i was bereft of words..tears spoke a lot but could not cry in front of her..went home..cried lots.. It haunted me, my sleep, my dreams turned into nightmares.. I saw her at the funeral..resting peacefully but with no sign of life..I heard the priests during the mass..could not control my tears.. Her house seemed so empty now.. It was a huge blow to me because i had interacted with auntie..and suddenly.....I pray that her soul rest in peace....AMEN!! That induced me to think about my behaviour with my own parents..How they have nurtured, cared and loved me..for so many years..How they complete me..They are my support systems..I think about how each and every room of this home lights up with their presence..how much i love them..how i sometimes quarrel too..and sometimes it gets out of hand but I still love them so so so very much..I wish i could hug them and say I LOVE YOU without any sort of hassles..I do that often now..which is Nice because now i Value LIFE EVEN MORE.... Losing them is something i cannot take in....It is my deepest fear..After all, I love them.... I cry thinking about that..I know Death is real..but i wish it gets Postponed.........and Postponed...........and Postponed!!!!




MY EXPERIENCE AT STERLING!

Another incident which made me value my parents and loved ones along with respecting life and discipline altogether was my tryst with Sterling Hospital on 17th March 2008.. On 16th March..I was suffering from hyperpyrexia..104 - 105 degrees and so..I thought i was dead..IT WAS THAT BAD!!My mamma thought so too..With extremely high fever and all its accompaniments...No strength..nothing..I WAS PRAYING!!That night was the longest night of my life..It was a Sunday..My mother kept me alive because of her care and determination till the time we reached the hospital on Monday.. With all our differences of opinions , it was then i realised that she TRULY CARED!!At Sterling..I was wheelchaired into the Emergency Ward ( I could not even Walk ) with 100's of tests to diagnose the root cause of my critical condition..And believe me, it was BAD!! I was shifted to the Special Ward>>Room - 308>>I remember!My veins were swollen with a thousand piercings from IV's which even makes getting a tattoo easier.So many saline, antibiotics and dextrose bottles of various shapes and sizes plus i would not initially react to the 15 medicines at morning, noon and night..I could not perform any bodily functions that we take for granted in our daily lives.That was when i realised the importance of the little things i took for granted..my hands, legs, time, my head and sleep which i always compromised on due to overwork..I could not use them..It HURT REAL BAD!! My mother doesn't keep well herself but she used to come for me..she fainted when she saw me getting 6 injections together..Even she was diagnosed with heart condition..I have lost count of the number of Injections and Medicines i took..Plus, my exams are in April..so it was and still is a really scary scenario.. I had a huge complaint list for my doctor..who is really nice..it was fun..main apni complaint list bachche ki tarah zid karke unko suna rahi thi and he was smiling like a father and changing medicines so that i dont have too much of discomfort....Next day he said.." Tujhe to bahut saari complaint hai..Ghar jaana hai..Aaj kal dekhte hain fir tujhe ghar bhejne ka sochunga??.."I was thrilled..Nice Doctor..Someone who is like God's messenger..He brought me back to life from a near death like situation.. I was dependant on my parents..my mom used to come for me without a second's rest..so did my dad..He cried for me..because there was no surety that i would live..My best friend Deepan came from Delhi to take care of me..Vishal and Palak gave their best wishes....My friend Nimisha used to call to check on my condition....




MY BIRTHDAY!!

I celebrated my second Birthday in the hospital..The first one when i was born and the second on on 21.03.2008....But it was a huge learning experience..with family, relatives, friends and blessings of all loved ones....calls, messages, visits....I loved every moment of it..Papa wished me that very night..my best friends called up..I love Dogs..my Mamma got me lots of cards and a stuffed puppy Dalmatian..D too got me cards and gifts..most of all..he came there for me..i just loved spending time with them..it was so special..he was there during my adversity..Thank You!!You are THE ONE JISKE LIYE YEH QUOTE BANA HAI - " A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED "!! THANK YOU A LOT!!THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO WAS THERE BY ME, WHO PRAYED FOR ME..WHO THOUGHT FOR ME..Vishal said that "MAIN 25TH TAK KOODNE LAGOONGI!"..BLESS HIM.. I WAS DISCHARGED FROM THE HOSPITAL ON THE 24TH OF MARCH..STILL NOT WELL TOTALLY..HAVE TO GOBBLE WHATEVER MEDICINES THE DOC GIVES ME AND HAVE TO GO FOR FOLLOW UPS..BUT I'M ALIVE AND I HAVE FAITH..IT WILL BE FINE IF GOD OR DESTINY WILLS IT TO BE SO.... Now..as i grow a year older..I VALUE AND CHERISH LIFE..DISCIPLINE, TIME MANAGEMENT..EVERYTHING THAT I TOOK FOR GRANTED DUE TO OVERWORK AND MY SO CALLED PERFECTION..I VALUE LIFE MUCH MORE BECAUSE LIFE MATTERS..BECAUSE ONE PERSON CAN MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE!!!!

QUESTIONING AND CHALLENGING SOCIAL STEREOTYPES!!

It is an age old problem of superiority and inferiority that i am targeting at present..It is also about the problem of subjugation , oppression and gender stereotypes that I am looking at.

What triggered this notion of mine?This channel of thought?..

Well, March 8th was celebrated with great pomp and show as the WOMAN'S DAY!That made me think that is it fair to dedicate one day in the whole of 365 days to a woman when it is us who have placed her at a subordinate position in society since History..

I asked this friend of mine..why just one Day?He promptly replied..
"So that we can live in peace and can have the rest 364 Days dedicated to us."
Well..I realized that though it pricked me, it was the truth..this is how most people ( and not all ) function..this is how most societies all over the Globe function.

I mean honestly,
Women have been treated as objects since a long time..though some of them may have more brains than so many men put together..But, well, thats the way it is.Those who have not followed that norm have created history.But, honestly it is so rare that it hardly constitutes the mass.

Right from that chauvinistic saying : "Men for the heath, women for the hearth" to Sati, Johar, Purdah, Ghoonghat, Dowry, Keeping them at homes like pieces of furniture.Women have to move to the husband's home post marriage leaving aside everything that she was familiar with, change her surname..and well even after keeping the child in her womb for nine months..the child gets the father's surname.Isn't it ridiculous because ejaculation takes a minute and gestation takes 9 months and a child cant be born without both of these processes.

Plus, why should the woman leave her comfort zone and go somewhere else to not even be respected?

The Dowry system is something i do not understand at all.1st of all the woman has to give enormous dowry for her security in her "NEW HOME"..Its about reputation somehow.I mean somehow the man buys her and the family of the girl is dumb enough to sell her to a man who pretends to take care of the girl with the girls own wealth.Oh what a favour!I mean firstly, why go for a man who is so greedy, who is not self made, who takes away your security and then doesn't give you respect and pretends to do you a big favour by taking care of you from your assets.Why should a man who cannot take care of himself marry in the first place..just for the money?It is a shame that such incapacitated men are married too..these people who cannot do anything on their own and kind of beg from others.BEGGING and then becoming something of a MAFIA at home.I have seen educated girls from educated families fall prey to such a system wherein they are married to equally educated or less qualified men and they have to give them the dowry or GIFT just because they are MEN!!So what..big deal..they need women as much as women need men.But No, they wont listen and the story continues....But then after giving enormous amounts of money and GIFTS, does she find happiness and security?No!Its about greed for more, harassment, torture and married life never comes with guarantee.I have seen, read and heard about enough torture and dowry deaths to talk about this.If she invests so much in Banks, Shares, Mutual Funds etc..i bet the interest can guarantee her a life of happiness and respect without hassles..but that is not how the system operates.

I was wondering about who made such a weird system.Someone who is equally or more intelligent is also subordinated because she is a woman.Companies prefer males to females unless it is the service and hospitality industry.I mean even a Hillary Clinton might lose to Obama just because she is a woman..And America has a history of Male Domination..Even if she wins..It would not be much..Just 1 Woman president among so many male counterparts..What a Shame!And things are worse off in India.Look at the villages, suburbs and even the cities..

Look at the Rape Cases, molestation, Eve Teasing, the depiction of both the sexes in movies, in ads, books and well, practically everywhere and you know what i am talking about!Even the stories about knights and damsels in distress portray stereotypes.

Somehow going to war has been more heroic than cooking..Well, strange because no persons can wage wars and then have a heroic win unless they are supplied with food.Also the fact that every single task on this earth is complex if you want to achieve perfection..Perfectionists will agree!!

Then there is this notion that if a woman succeeds, its because she slept her way to the top or maybe that she is a masculine woman without any femininity - "The Boardroom Bitch".I'm sure a whole lot of males at the top are not addressed with such derogatory terms.. and if she has her feminine wiles, it is looked down upon as "OH SO GIRLY!!".

Women are generally considered dumb, emotional, bad drivers, meant for the kitchen and the bedroom and what not by both men and women.That is just SO SAD!Men are considered macho, logical, practical and people who handle finances..( WHICH IS EQUALLY SAD )..It is SAD when You are somewhat Different and that difference is not RESPECTED!!You end up being like mass produced factory goods..looking, thinking and acting the same way....I guess it all comes from CONDITIONING!!Books, movies, religious texts, family setup, society and peer pressure dominate our conditioning so much that anything out of the conventional setup is heavily criticized and finally ostracized from the society.




One of my friends - Janki Dave from Nirma Institute of Engineering emailed me the following :

" Chauvinism or Chivalry? "

" There is an agreed-upon list which I never compromise on. Even with strangers. It is a genetic thing, I think, for men to presume that their opinion/action has more formula weight than that of women. It is right there when they think they can lift that heavy box but I can't, that I am more prone to making a mistake while driving than they are, that they have to teach me HTML else I'll never learn, that it is simply not possible that I make more money than them.

90% of my friends will swear that they aren't so. They're just in denial. They'll come around. I might sound too critical and judgmental about it, maybe even to the point of generalizing things. But it is true. I am yet to meet a man who doesn't have that chauvinistic streak.

But on second thoughts, even the female species have an agreed -upon list which I never compromise on. Like, women can shop better than their male counterparts, or they can cook better, and the list continues... People around me say , its plain simple " Genetic Engineering" which somehow doesn't get into my head for such stupid acts!!!"

My reply to her was :

" Okay..now one thing is that : men are physically stronger than women..their bones are stronger..it is in the anatomy.. Take an Xray of your bone (the femur) or anything of an adult healthy male and female and there is that difference..U will see it..so maybe u can lift a box while a single guy your age can lift a truck with his nail..saw that on t.v..haven't seen a woman do that yet..BUT THAT DOES NOT GIVE ANYONE THE LIBERTY TO ILL TREAT THE OTHER.HUMAN BEINGS HAVE A FUNCTIONAL BRAIN TO THINK AND BASIC ANATOMICAL DIFFERENCE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHAUVINISM, HARASSMENT , SUBJUGATION OR THE VIOLATION OF HUMAN RIGHTS!

Apart from the anatomy, i see no basic difference..

The rest of it is plain and simple practice.. A Sanjeev Kapoor and A Tarala dalal can cook really well because of practice, inclination etc.. Being a woman, I cannot because I'm least interested and therefore don't practice.

Chivalry and Chauvinism are different things..when you want do it yourself with the intention of looking at the other person's comfort - its Chivalry but if you say that you don't know this and therefore I'll do this for you..then a sense of ego and pride creeps in and that is Chauvinism..Chauvinism is demeaning and Chivalry has to do with the feeling of courage with the intention of pure caring.

As far as drivers are concerned..men and women in India are both horrendous drivers..Most of them follow no traffic rules, no speed regulations..some drive like turtles and the rest think that there is no tomorrow..plus they litter..not to forget..drive drunk, talk on cell phones, wear no helmets or seat belts, are careless while driving..both men and women..That accounts for so many accidents..its horrifying. That is irrespective of the sex.

About HTML and earning money..well..that has somewhat to do with people's egos.. Working outside of home and the financial department was always believed to be a man's terrain ever since our ancient religious texts were written..but after the 2nd world war things have started shaping up differently..but when people grow up thinking - Women cant earn..they don't have brains..they are just meant for the bedroom and the kitchen, even if a lot of women dont follow that norm..men tend to generalise... So do women because accessorizing and cooking was primarily their domain.

But people should learn to open their minds..there is Indra Nooyi and there is Sanjeev Kapoor..in the same dear world that we live in.... PEOPLE MUST QUIT GENERALISING AND IF THEY WANT TO DEFY STEREOTYPES..THEY MUST START PRACTICING AND THEN A GUY CAN BE AS GREAT A COOK OR A DESIGNER AS A GAL CAN BE AN INVESTMENT BANKER AND A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST."

THIS IS NO FEMINIST MALE BASHING WRITEUP..Women do not suffer from penis envy..their problem is with the fact that they are not respected for what they are..who they are.

People can be exceptionally good at so many things..both men and women..but so many of them are written off because of nothing but their sex.

I mean who the hell even wants Equality..What EVERYONE NEEDS..RIGHT FROM AN AMOEBA TO THE HUMAN SPECIES IS RESPECT..AND I THINK THAT REALLY IS FAIR ENOUGH!!