It has been about a year to my last post. Never has it happened before that I was not a'mused' enough to write a poem or a lyric or express an opinion. But, maybe I was never up against my own ideologies which came crumbling down during my stint in a particular job profile - Sales. Though, I must say that the rigorous groundwork has equipped me to face a lot of harsh realities in life..realities, I didn't know existed and therefore didn't matter. Realities that may be a part of the lives of millions of people I share space with in this world. However, somewhere down the line, everything that pertained to my formal education vanished, replaced only by the 4 Ps of Marketing as mentioned by Nihit Kshatriya, a friend and junior from my esteemed B School - "Please, Please, Please and Please"..especially on Month Ends. Anyone who has ever been in Sales knows that this is one BIG ordeal.
The hallow and the obvious glow that comes with receiving an MBA degree from a good B School Vanishes on the field. Every romantic illusion or rosy picture that one has ever painted becomes a series of numbers - Targets dependent on the most Capricious of Clients. For me, not a single day passed without degradation or humiliation in some minute form and yet it was important to get through the ordeal with a smile on the face. Maybe it is not just Sales - it is Life. For a 'princess' like me, Sales is Definitely a Life Lesson. It is a lot of constant hard work and chase and everyday, there is a different challenge and more numbers.
However, sometimes I wonder that though I learnt quite a lot, what did I lose along the way. Well, the answer to that is quite a lot. I lost my rose tinted glasses which made me see the beauty of life. Never had I noticed the filth, the squalor, greed, anxiety, competition or ethical dilemmas to such an extent that I became weary and began to question my own ideologies and whether I was a good fit. I lost my innocence and it was soon replaced with cynicism. I lost the ability to form beautiful words and pictures that transported me to another world - the ability to compose a creative piece. The poetry flew out of me as if it was never even there, replaced by a vortex of mixed emotions bordering on negativity.
There was never a time in which I could stop to think about me. No energy left to get inspired and write something that came from a profundity deep within. No inspiration. In fact, my vision was blurred by the haze of numbers and the constant pressure to keep them moving. I could see no optimum utilisation of my formal education in two courses..Both seemed to be a severe misfit and my mind, which was heavily influenced by both was waiting to be rescued.
The choicest words in our collective vocabulary was a series of expletives which were vitriolic enough to burn a hole in the brain and the heart. Poetry???? What Poetry!!!! The whole point of it was that everything seemed a pointless chase for more and nothing seemed to hold any meaning because in chasing numbers, I had given up my life..all so that I could have a life in the future. Vicious Circle doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am Glad now that I could make the transition to a more fitting profile when my hard work met opportunity. I could come out with my values intact. I have my scars now. Life is never going to be an innocent girl's dream again. I am happy that in a way that I am better this way as our lives now are no modern day fairy tales. It involves a lot of smart work, hard work, grind and a lot of other gray, slimy things that we do not factor in. The one thing that I am very happy about is that I have the time to stop, breathe in the air and feel the beauty around me again. I feel re-invigorated, charged up, free enough to move the world - free enough to compose again. What I have been Given is Way too Precious for Me to Lose in the dreary corporate desert sands. The poetry is coming back, Thanks Someone's Healing Powers and there is nothing I will do to lose it this time....
