The hallow and the obvious glow that comes with receiving an MBA degree from a good B School Vanishes on the field. Every romantic illusion or rosy picture that one has ever painted becomes a series of numbers - Targets dependent on the most Capricious of Clients. For me, not a single day passed without degradation or humiliation in some minute form and yet it was important to get through the ordeal with a smile on the face. Maybe it is not just Sales - it is Life. For a 'princess' like me, Sales is Definitely a Life Lesson. It is a lot of constant hard work and chase and everyday, there is a different challenge and more numbers.
However, sometimes I wonder that though I learnt quite a lot, what did I lose along the way. Well, the answer to that is quite a lot. I lost my rose tinted glasses which made me see the beauty of life. Never had I noticed the filth, the squalor, greed, anxiety, competition or ethical dilemmas to such an extent that I became weary and began to question my own ideologies and whether I was a good fit. I lost my innocence and it was soon replaced with cynicism. I lost the ability to form beautiful words and pictures that transported me to another world - the ability to compose a creative piece. The poetry flew out of me as if it was never even there, replaced by a vortex of mixed emotions bordering on negativity.
There was never a time in which I could stop to think about me. No energy left to get inspired and write something that came from a profundity deep within. No inspiration. In fact, my vision was blurred by the haze of numbers and the constant pressure to keep them moving. I could see no optimum utilisation of my formal education in two courses..Both seemed to be a severe misfit and my mind, which was heavily influenced by both was waiting to be rescued.
The choicest words in our collective vocabulary was a series of expletives which were vitriolic enough to burn a hole in the brain and the heart. Poetry???? What Poetry!!!! The whole point of it was that everything seemed a pointless chase for more and nothing seemed to hold any meaning because in chasing numbers, I had given up my life..all so that I could have a life in the future. Vicious Circle doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am Glad now that I could make the transition to a more fitting profile when my hard work met opportunity. I could come out with my values intact. I have my scars now. Life is never going to be an innocent girl's dream again. I am happy that in a way that I am better this way as our lives now are no modern day fairy tales. It involves a lot of smart work, hard work, grind and a lot of other gray, slimy things that we do not factor in. The one thing that I am very happy about is that I have the time to stop, breathe in the air and feel the beauty around me again. I feel re-invigorated, charged up, free enough to move the world - free enough to compose again. What I have been Given is Way too Precious for Me to Lose in the dreary corporate desert sands. The poetry is coming back, Thanks Someone's Healing Powers and there is nothing I will do to lose it this time....
