It is an age old problem of superiority and inferiority that i am targeting at present..It is also about the problem of subjugation , oppression and gender stereotypes that I am looking at.
What triggered this notion of mine?This channel of thought?..
Well, March 8th was celebrated with great pomp and show as the WOMAN'S DAY!That made me think that is it fair to dedicate one day in the whole of 365 days to a woman when it is us who have placed her at a subordinate position in society since History..
I asked this friend of mine..why just one Day?He promptly replied..
"So that we can live in peace and can have the rest 364 Days dedicated to us."
Well..I realized that though it pricked me, it was the truth..this is how most people ( and not all ) function..this is how most societies all over the Globe function.
I mean honestly,
Women have been treated as objects since a long time..though some of them may have more brains than so many men put together..But, well, thats the way it is.Those who have not followed that norm have created history.But, honestly it is so rare that it hardly constitutes the mass.
Right from that chauvinistic saying : "Men for the heath, women for the hearth" to Sati, Johar, Purdah, Ghoonghat, Dowry, Keeping them at homes like pieces of furniture.Women have to move to the husband's home post marriage leaving aside everything that she was familiar with, change her surname..and well even after keeping the child in her womb for nine months..the child gets the father's surname.Isn't it ridiculous because ejaculation takes a minute and gestation takes 9 months and a child cant be born without both of these processes.
Plus, why should the woman leave her comfort zone and go somewhere else to not even be respected?
The Dowry system is something i do not understand at all.1st of all the woman has to give enormous dowry for her security in her "NEW HOME"..Its about reputation somehow.I mean somehow the man buys her and the family of the girl is dumb enough to sell her to a man who pretends to take care of the girl with the girls own wealth.Oh what a favour!I mean firstly, why go for a man who is so greedy, who is not self made, who takes away your security and then doesn't give you respect and pretends to do you a big favour by taking care of you from your assets.Why should a man who cannot take care of himself marry in the first place..just for the money?It is a shame that such incapacitated men are married too..these people who cannot do anything on their own and kind of beg from others.BEGGING and then becoming something of a MAFIA at home.I have seen educated girls from educated families fall prey to such a system wherein they are married to equally educated or less qualified men and they have to give them the dowry or GIFT just because they are MEN!!So what..big deal..they need women as much as women need men.But No, they wont listen and the story continues....But then after giving enormous amounts of money and GIFTS, does she find happiness and security?No!Its about greed for more, harassment, torture and married life never comes with guarantee.I have seen, read and heard about enough torture and dowry deaths to talk about this.If she invests so much in Banks, Shares, Mutual Funds etc..i bet the interest can guarantee her a life of happiness and respect without hassles..but that is not how the system operates.
I was wondering about who made such a weird system.Someone who is equally or more intelligent is also subordinated because she is a woman.Companies prefer males to females unless it is the service and hospitality industry.I mean even a Hillary Clinton might lose to Obama just because she is a woman..And America has a history of Male Domination..Even if she wins..It would not be much..Just 1 Woman president among so many male counterparts..What a Shame!And things are worse off in India.Look at the villages, suburbs and even the cities..
Look at the Rape Cases, molestation, Eve Teasing, the depiction of both the sexes in movies, in ads, books and well, practically everywhere and you know what i am talking about!Even the stories about knights and damsels in distress portray stereotypes.
Somehow going to war has been more heroic than cooking..Well, strange because no persons can wage wars and then have a heroic win unless they are supplied with food.Also the fact that every single task on this earth is complex if you want to achieve perfection..Perfectionists will agree!!
Then there is this notion that if a woman succeeds, its because she slept her way to the top or maybe that she is a masculine woman without any femininity - "The Boardroom Bitch".I'm sure a whole lot of males at the top are not addressed with such derogatory terms.. and if she has her feminine wiles, it is looked down upon as "OH SO GIRLY!!".
Women are generally considered dumb, emotional, bad drivers, meant for the kitchen and the bedroom and what not by both men and women.That is just SO SAD!Men are considered macho, logical, practical and people who handle finances..( WHICH IS EQUALLY SAD )..It is SAD when You are somewhat Different and that difference is not RESPECTED!!You end up being like mass produced factory goods..looking, thinking and acting the same way....I guess it all comes from CONDITIONING!!Books, movies, religious texts, family setup, society and peer pressure dominate our conditioning so much that anything out of the conventional setup is heavily criticized and finally ostracized from the society.
One of my friends - Janki Dave from Nirma Institute of Engineering emailed me the following :
" Chauvinism or Chivalry? "
" There is an agreed-upon list which I never compromise on. Even with strangers. It is a genetic thing, I think, for men to presume that their opinion/action has more formula weight than that of women. It is right there when they think they can lift that heavy box but I can't, that I am more prone to making a mistake while driving than they are, that they have to teach me HTML else I'll never learn, that it is simply not possible that I make more money than them.
90% of my friends will swear that they aren't so. They're just in denial. They'll come around. I might sound too critical and judgmental about it, maybe even to the point of generalizing things. But it is true. I am yet to meet a man who doesn't have that chauvinistic streak.
" There is an agreed-upon list which I never compromise on. Even with strangers. It is a genetic thing, I think, for men to presume that their opinion/action has more formula weight than that of women. It is right there when they think they can lift that heavy box but I can't, that I am more prone to making a mistake while driving than they are, that they have to teach me HTML else I'll never learn, that it is simply not possible that I make more money than them.
90% of my friends will swear that they aren't so. They're just in denial. They'll come around. I might sound too critical and judgmental about it, maybe even to the point of generalizing things. But it is true. I am yet to meet a man who doesn't have that chauvinistic streak.
But on second thoughts, even the female species have an agreed -upon list which I never compromise on. Like, women can shop better than their male counterparts, or they can cook better, and the list continues... People around me say , its plain simple " Genetic Engineering" which somehow doesn't get into my head for such stupid acts!!!"
My reply to her was :
" Okay..now one thing is that : men are physically stronger than women..their bones are stronger..it is in the anatomy.. Take an Xray of your bone (the femur) or anything of an adult healthy male and female and there is that difference..U will see it..so maybe u can lift a box while a single guy your age can lift a truck with his nail..saw that on t.v..haven't seen a woman do that yet..BUT THAT DOES NOT GIVE ANYONE THE LIBERTY TO ILL TREAT THE OTHER.HUMAN BEINGS HAVE A FUNCTIONAL BRAIN TO THINK AND BASIC ANATOMICAL DIFFERENCE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHAUVINISM, HARASSMENT , SUBJUGATION OR THE VIOLATION OF HUMAN RIGHTS!
Apart from the anatomy, i see no basic difference..
The rest of it is plain and simple practice.. A Sanjeev Kapoor and A Tarala dalal can cook really well because of practice, inclination etc.. Being a woman, I cannot because I'm least interested and therefore don't practice.
Chivalry and Chauvinism are different things..when you want do it yourself with the intention of looking at the other person's comfort - its Chivalry but if you say that you don't know this and therefore I'll do this for you..then a sense of ego and pride creeps in and that is Chauvinism..Chauvinism is demeaning and Chivalry has to do with the feeling of courage with the intention of pure caring.
As far as drivers are concerned..men and women in India are both horrendous drivers..Most of them follow no traffic rules, no speed regulations..some drive like turtles and the rest think that there is no tomorrow..plus they litter..not to forget..drive drunk, talk on cell phones, wear no helmets or seat belts, are careless while driving..both men and women..That accounts for so many accidents..its horrifying. That is irrespective of the sex.
About HTML and earning money..well..that has somewhat to do with people's egos.. Working outside of home and the financial department was always believed to be a man's terrain ever since our ancient religious texts were written..but after the 2nd world war things have started shaping up differently..but when people grow up thinking - Women cant earn..they don't have brains..they are just meant for the bedroom and the kitchen, even if a lot of women dont follow that norm..men tend to generalise... So do women because accessorizing and cooking was primarily their domain.
But people should learn to open their minds..there is Indra Nooyi and there is Sanjeev Kapoor..in the same dear world that we live in.... PEOPLE MUST QUIT GENERALISING AND IF THEY WANT TO DEFY STEREOTYPES..THEY MUST START PRACTICING AND THEN A GUY CAN BE AS GREAT A COOK OR A DESIGNER AS A GAL CAN BE AN INVESTMENT BANKER AND A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST."
My reply to her was :
" Okay..now one thing is that : men are physically stronger than women..their bones are stronger..it is in the anatomy.. Take an Xray of your bone (the femur) or anything of an adult healthy male and female and there is that difference..U will see it..so maybe u can lift a box while a single guy your age can lift a truck with his nail..saw that on t.v..haven't seen a woman do that yet..BUT THAT DOES NOT GIVE ANYONE THE LIBERTY TO ILL TREAT THE OTHER.HUMAN BEINGS HAVE A FUNCTIONAL BRAIN TO THINK AND BASIC ANATOMICAL DIFFERENCE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHAUVINISM, HARASSMENT , SUBJUGATION OR THE VIOLATION OF HUMAN RIGHTS!
Apart from the anatomy, i see no basic difference..
The rest of it is plain and simple practice.. A Sanjeev Kapoor and A Tarala dalal can cook really well because of practice, inclination etc.. Being a woman, I cannot because I'm least interested and therefore don't practice.
Chivalry and Chauvinism are different things..when you want do it yourself with the intention of looking at the other person's comfort - its Chivalry but if you say that you don't know this and therefore I'll do this for you..then a sense of ego and pride creeps in and that is Chauvinism..Chauvinism is demeaning and Chivalry has to do with the feeling of courage with the intention of pure caring.
As far as drivers are concerned..men and women in India are both horrendous drivers..Most of them follow no traffic rules, no speed regulations..some drive like turtles and the rest think that there is no tomorrow..plus they litter..not to forget..drive drunk, talk on cell phones, wear no helmets or seat belts, are careless while driving..both men and women..That accounts for so many accidents..its horrifying. That is irrespective of the sex.
About HTML and earning money..well..that has somewhat to do with people's egos.. Working outside of home and the financial department was always believed to be a man's terrain ever since our ancient religious texts were written..but after the 2nd world war things have started shaping up differently..but when people grow up thinking - Women cant earn..they don't have brains..they are just meant for the bedroom and the kitchen, even if a lot of women dont follow that norm..men tend to generalise... So do women because accessorizing and cooking was primarily their domain.
But people should learn to open their minds..there is Indra Nooyi and there is Sanjeev Kapoor..in the same dear world that we live in.... PEOPLE MUST QUIT GENERALISING AND IF THEY WANT TO DEFY STEREOTYPES..THEY MUST START PRACTICING AND THEN A GUY CAN BE AS GREAT A COOK OR A DESIGNER AS A GAL CAN BE AN INVESTMENT BANKER AND A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST."
THIS IS NO FEMINIST MALE BASHING WRITEUP..Women do not suffer from penis envy..their problem is with the fact that they are not respected for what they are..who they are.
People can be exceptionally good at so many things..both men and women..but so many of them are written off because of nothing but their sex.
I mean who the hell even wants Equality..What EVERYONE NEEDS..RIGHT FROM AN AMOEBA TO THE HUMAN SPECIES IS RESPECT..AND I THINK THAT REALLY IS FAIR ENOUGH!!
7 comments:
Inequality is the law of nature !!!
Men are and were physically more powerful than women and this has helped them in keeping the women under warps....as the age of intelligence takes over , meritocracy will rule .
There is no point in questioning the social stereotypes , it's the society after all which makes them .
Challenging stereotypes is good though and I wish you all the luck in the world, coz you are gonna need it .
Keep writing
cheers
with all due respect kuku, in your blog for challenging social stereotypes, i sensed you are insecure of what you are! havne not been able to figure the reason out.
you are talking of things which, i agree, were a matter of issue in the past. but thats history, and digging in to what has been done will only leave you baffaled!
stereotypes exist, and they will do in the years to come. but it is only a matter of reducing the count.
as u have gone back the calender, women(in general), dint participate in so many aspects of the society, but they do today. we have woman pilots, we have women police, writers, and so on! was it so a few decades back? i guess not... my point of arguments is, that if you feel you are not treated equally, make a stand for it...and you shall gain what you want. like say, in india, women, neva wore anything but sarree or kurta. more women in india wear pants then men? wonder where that came from? i do...i mean someone would have said, wel if men can even women can, and i guess the society(as u said its men dominated), eventually accepted the fact! its only a matter of putting your foot forward. sati and dowry is by far gone as u pointed out. also gettin marrieed an goin to the mans house after, only is practised in our culture. no child is given the fathers name in england. they are just random names...maternal aunts uncles, grandads, nan's, any i mean literally any!
when i say the following, i am no stereotype in no form at all, and i hate to be classed as one! but i guess its the women race, which in general, likes to live with such fencing around them. they are not bound to, they choose to! the reason behind it, i would never know!
men and women are equally strong and equally important to this massive engine of our world. i wouldn't even imagine how painful and difficult it would be to give birth. as my mum once said to me, it is as painful as pulling a coconut out of a nostril. i laughed to those words, then, but i understand the importance of what she meant, now! on the contrary, men can do jobs which would be difficult(not impossible) for a woman to do! so i think we are made to fulfil a certain role in the society, to attain a balance. men cannot survive without women(in my case, very true...), and vice versa as well!
i guess thats much of me...thanks for reading!
the above are my thoughts, a few facts, which under no circumstances be held up against me in the court of justice! lol
cheers
-Rish
Past cannot really be termed as past and we exist since arnd 4000 years or more..Sati andJohar were abolished some 100 years ago..dowry deaths and suicides..and not just deaths bt the system of dowry and Gifts continues..call it whatever name..mameru or dahej..its there.its still very much there.
Also these systems of Ghoonghat and all are there in Rajkot itself..coz thats where i saw it first..maybe not in the upper middle class and upwards bt what abt the rest..
Plus im not even going into clothing coz that will start another debate..bt one thing..a woman in pants can be subjected to stereotypes as much as a woman in sarees..thats quite true.
PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE READ!!
I SAID NOT ALL PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE WHO GENERALIZE BUT MOST DO..PLEASE PLEASE READ AND RE READ BEFORE TAKING IT ALL WRONG..
I agree to what u feel, but the truth is that stereotypes do exist and they play an important role in shaping the ideas of the society as new generation is evolved. See ourselves, even i like others have been brought up in a typical stereotypical society where man rules. But its also true that men in special and people in general have realised the importance of women through the changing role of women in the society and men are today respecting women either internally coz they feel strong about their roles and respect them or coz their is no option out, coz women too rules nowadays......
Well..i did mention very clearly that its not about equality at all..IT IS ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN BOTH BEING STEREOPTYPED..PLEASE READ!!it is not even abt me being insecure..NO REASON Y I SHOULD BE COZ I DNT HARBOUR PRE CONCEIVED NOTIONS BASED ON GENDER STEREOTYPES.
well its not even abt england and india..i am challenging what was and what is..
well its not abt being a home maker or a pilot AS WELL..its abt being good AT WHAT U DO..AND BEING DISCARDED AS BAD COZ OF NOTIONS AND NOT ABILITIES.its the thinking process that im questioning.im challenging the very notion that being a homemaker is not as important as being a pilot just coz theres no salary involved.AND IF THATS THE CASE..HW MANY WOMEN PILOTS IN 3000 YEARS OF CIVILIZATION?..
some people said..people respect others..men respect women and visa versa..men rule and they understand the importance of women coz women are ruling nowadays too (define rule ) and so on..Well according to me..it is not abt who rules..its abt respect and dignity of labour and individual..its abt the respect quotient thats the least in most human beings..Most people both men and women are treated as objects or if they are different from the set standards..they are made to follow the norm..thats what im questioning..i never said everyone is like this bt most ppl are which explains most under developed countries and some developed ones as well.
And Rishi or anybody else..its not just what a very handful of ppl in THE URBAN WELL TO DO INDIA is doing..I MEAN..HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE A VOICE IN THE VILLAGES AND IN MANY CASES IN OUR OWN HOMES TOO.i mean u cannot even talk abt these things in SO MANY CITIES AND VILLAGES WHICH VIOLATE HUMAN RIGHTS..NOT JUST IN INDIA BUT EVEN ABROAD..even that exists on the map right?
IM NOT INSECURE OF ANYTHING COZ I KNOW WHAT IS WHAT.I WAS CLEAR THAT IT HAS TO DO WITH SOCIAL STEREOTYPES BASED ON CONDITIONING.IM TAKING A STAND ALREADY..NOT HERE TO FIGHT IT..but have a notion so putting it across..no offense meant.
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